ESCHERS RESCUE WRONG STRIPPER!

The Ladies of the Night clashed with Death Wears a Green Singlet last week while attempting to liberate the strippers at the Pit Bar and Grill.

“It's shameful to think of women being used as objects for the gratification of smelly, sweaty men,” said Vanessa Stab, leader of the Ladies, “We where attempting to rescue Plenty O'Toole, and bring her into the sisterhood.”

The Singlets, who own the Bar, met the Ladies in bloody combat, both sides inflicting casualties before the Eschers decided to make a tactical retreat with their rescued sister.

Much to the surprise of the Ladies the stripper was not Plenty O'Toole, but Singlet member Weird Simon! It appears that Weird Simon was in drag as part of a bet when the battle took place, and the Eschers mistook him for Ms. O'Toole in the melee.

“We'll be back for Plenty O'Toole,” Said Ms. Stabb, “We're not done with these chauvinist pigs yet.”

WEIRD SIMON LIBERATED!

Soon after Ms. Stabb's last interview, the Singlets raided deep into the Ladies territory to rescue Weird Simon. Casualties were incredible with every member of the Ladies being hit, and many injured. Early in the battle, ganger Mandy wounded Weird Simon with a well placed scatter shell, seconds after he had been rescued by the Singlets' hired scummer! Simon spent the rest of the battle painfully crawling towards safety. The Eschers arrived piecemeal, and were unable to do much damage – especially when two of the Singlets' who had been gunned down got back up again!

The toll was horrific. Vladette was killed, many Eschers were wounded, and their captive escaped.

“We would have fled, but we were protecting our turf” Ms. Stabb told the Tribune.

ANGRY JOE'S CODPIECE STOLEN!

The small town of Slime Pond, birthplace of famous Goliath leader Angry Joe is in turmoil today after a daring raid on the Slime Pond Municipal Museum last night. The as yet unidentified raiders made off with valuable artefacts including Angry Joe's famous Codpiece! Angry Joe is remembered for his strong leadership, and his important part in defending Slime Pond against the great Zombie invasion of '04 The codpiece, worn by Angry Joe until his death at the hands of Escher gang 'The Sisterhood,' was immortalised in the Ballad of Angry Joe's Codpiece (sung to the tune of My Darling Clementine):

Was a man named Zlad McClintock

And he made a fine codpiece

All of leather with some pleather

And the skulls of smallish Geese

Then he sold it to a Goliath

By the name of Angry Joe

And he wore it all his born days

Till he died in Slime Pit Row

Where the Eschers finally caught him

And they fought him in the rain

And they shot him with their stubber

And they took away his pain

Then they hung him from a Lamppost

Took away his fine codpiece

And their leader then she took it

And she gave it to her Niece.

Angry Joe he may be dead now

But his Codpiece still lives on

It's on display in the museum

In the township of Slime Pond.