STRAY SHOT KILLS PRINT-SERVITOR!

You will have noticed that there was no edition of the Hive Bottom Tribune during the last week. This was due to the unfortunate demise of our Print-Servitor.

It all started when the Ladies of the Night accidentally 'rescued' Weird Simon from the Pit Bar and Grill. The Singlets rescued him two week ago, but the Ladies where out for blood. Last week, they ran into the Singlets in the streets of Slime Pit harbour, just outside the Hive Bottom Tribune offices. The battle was terrible and bloody - Amanda Bang, the Ladies' Heavy, was shot early on, falling from the toxichem tank she was standing atop. The Ladies retaliated with such startling ferocity that the Singlets lost their nerve and fled, but not before causing great damage.

Unfortunately, a stray shot from the Singlet's heavy bolter slammed into the HBT offices, completely destroying Brother #1430, our venerable print-servitor.

By way of apology, the Singlets promised to find a replacement, and find one they did.

At about this time, Amanda Bang was regaining conciousness, lying forgotten on the battle field. Lead by a vengeful weird Simon, the singlets fell upon her, and while 'subduing' her, broke both her arms, completely destroyed her eyes, gave her an impressive array of horrible scars, and accidentally removed her leg.

For the last week, Ms. Bang has been in the great cybertronic workshops of Van Dyk and Van Cleef where she has undergone the transformation into E.P.S.O.N 350, our new Print Servitor.

Meanwhile, the Ladies had another member killed outright, and have disappeared. Rumour has it they have moved to a new dome to pursue other careers.

ATOMIC SUPER KITTEN ATE MY CAR SAYS HOUSE WIFE!

Last week, Mrs. Scragga McMurdock stepped out of her home in down town Slime Pit harbour to find a giant mutant kitten devouring her brand new Fatso Brick GLX! The kitten's origins have been traced to a toxichem spill caused by the El Cheapo Waste Pump company, which floaded the Slime Pit Harbour Pound last week. The kitten, who answers to the name of 'Twinkle' has been subdued, and is currently undergoing conversion into an armored combat unit for the Imperial Guard.

CARNAGE DURING OUTAGE!

During the time between the demise of Brother#1430 and the arrival of our new print servitor, amazing levels of violence have over taken Slime Pit Harbour.

Rampaging Ratskins and Devastating Delaques have arrived and set about causing mayhem. Heinrich's Chosen and the Singlets have been up to their old tricks, and there are reports of increased Spyrer activity. Battles have raged across our fair city with gangs desperate to carve out their own empires, or protect what they already possess. The Sham Slammers have been slammed by the Singlets, The Ladies of the Night have disbanded, Heinrich's Chosen have been clashing with the Ratskins, and new boys the Chaos Cowboys have been tangling with the Spyrers.

Could our humble newsheet be a stabilizing influence? It's mere absence from our streets for a week has brought about wide spread mayhem and destruction. Does this mean that all the stands between us and outright mayhem is a single, relatively unbiased media outlet? Does the press really have power? Who can tell...

FOUL STINK IN ASH FALLS!

The unfortunate town of Ash Falls has been fighting a desperate and running battle with foul and grotesque Scavvy Mutants for the past week! New, and foul Scavvy forces are on the move, heading towards out fair city! Citizens are warned – stock up on ammo, get your knife ready, and above all buy a good gas mask! The Scavvies are coming!