SHAM SLAMMERS SLAMMED BY GLAM!

Notorious muscle-men the Sham Slammers were surprised last week when they went out scavenging and got more than they bargained for. Out amidst the ruins and crud-tanks of Sump Pump Central they ran into those goddesses of glam, the Ladies of the Night. It was a short battle - the Goliaths, their brains obviously fogged by steroids, walked right into the line of fire of Vanessa Bang's heavy stubber. This was quickly followed by a lucky shotgun shot from Tara taking another Goliath down. The Slammers wisely chose to flee, leaving the girlz in possession of the field of battle.

“We're all very disappointed” Said House Goliath Spokesman 'Da Hamma' “It's very embarrassing being beaten by girls. Now every one will start it with the 'brains smaller than your codpieces' jokes.”

THE DEAD WEAR GREEN SINGLETS

Notorious local Orlocks, Death Wears a Green Singlet, are in shock after their horrific defeat by the Delaque Night Ninjas this week. Living up to their reputation for sneakiness and underhanded dealing, the Delaques ambushed the Singlets as they were leaving a heavy metal concert at the Pit Bar and Grill. Despite an unprecedented number of weapon explosions (on both sides) and a spirited Orlock counter-attack, the Delaque boys held their own and proved themselves to be the true masters of the night. Maybe death does wear a green singlet, but one thing is for certain - the casualties of the battle sure did.

CHANDORAX PURGED!

The news has just reached Necromunda of another Exterminatus purge carried out in the aftermath of the 13^th Black Crusade. The world in question, Chandorax, was a hive world similar to Necromunda itself. Rebellion and heresy spread throughout the world like wildfire, and it was deemed the holy duty of the Inquisition to destroy it. There are rumors that a traitor guard regiment may have escaped.

Let this tragedy be a lesson to us all: we must be ever vigilant for the seeds of rebellion and heresy. We cannot ever let this happen to our own beloved world.