NOT HEINRICH'S FINEST HOUR

Heinrich's Finest, new Orlock boys have been handed an ignominious defeat at the hands of the Ladies of the Night. The Orlocks and Eschers clashed in downtown Slime Pit Harbor early last week.

A protracted duel ensued between the two gangs heavies, both firing hundreds of rounds from their heavy stubbers. Accuracy was amazingly high, but the weapons proved extremely ineffective. Much more effective was the fusillade of short ranged scatter shot the Eschers pumped into three of the Orlocks taking cover behind a first floor re-enforcing buttress.

The battle seemed to be on the point of grinding to a halt with most of the Escher's taking cover behind Big Bob's Garage with the Orlocks covering all their escape routes. In an incredible display of heroism the Ladies' two youngest members dashed out to distract the Orlocks, who were subsequently gunned down. Heinrich's Finest were left with only three unharmed members, for the cost for only two of the ladies hurt.

The battle did not all go to the ladies, with Piggy once more being captured. Readers may remember Piggy being the cause for the Ladies daring rescue raid against the Sham Slammers some weeks ago. Piggy was ransomed back to the ladies after intensive negotiations.

SINGLETS IN YET MORE STRIFE

The night Ninjas and Death Wears A Green Singlet have once again met on the field of battle. This time round, the Ninjas blew away almost all of the Singlets without the Orlocks ever managing to retaliate effectively. Could the Ninjas be the new force to be reckoned with round these parts, or are the Singlets just not up to scratch?

Suggestions that their abnormally bad track record against the Delaques are caused by some sort of spy in their midst have been dismissed as groundless. Nevertheless, there must be something fishy going on if House Delaque are involved!

TRIUMPH FOR ASH FALLS!

Ash Falls mayor, Zlad McClintock has done it again. At this years annual Vlad D'Ocelote memorial fashion design awards held at the Festy-Vale Hall, Zlad McClintock's label, Tartan RedNeck scored a record five awards. Competition was fierce, but McClintock managed to take the prizes in both the Leather and Fabric trench coat categories, as well as the Women's Evening Wear (with a stunning syntha-leopard sheath dress), and Children's Ensemble, and the prestigious Shadiest Kilt award for his leather and steel 'Malcolm' kilt. Mr McClintock said “Naturally I'm very pleased. I've already taken several hundred orders for kilts from Goliath's and my new range of Evening Dresses has been doing very well with House Escher.” When asked what he was planning for next year, Mr McClintock would only say “Something with leather, stubs and a convenient place to keep your bolt pistol”

SINGLETS SAVE OUR BAR!

Heinrich's Finest are rapidly gaining a reputation around here. Maybe not the best reputation, but a reputation none the less. Their latest stunt, a raid on our beloved Pit Bar and Grille has been foiled by the dive's owners, notorious local Orlocks, Death Wears a Green Singlet.

Heinrich's boys, desperate to muscle in on the Pit's lucrative steak and ribs business (not to mention the 'adult' entertainment on offer) tried to wrest the joint from the Singlets.

The battle was long and bloody, although the Singlet's guard, Scared Larry, who had been posted on guard atop the tallest building in the area, never seemed to have noticed. He never came down, and he never fired a single shot. He has refuted allegations that he was to scared to move.

The Singlets managed to fight off the Finest, but in a strange twist of fate two of their number were captured. In return, the singlets captured one of the Finest. Intense and lengthy negotiations commenced via a neutral intermediary, and a trade was finally organized.

Could capturing and ransoming of enemies be reaching epidemic proportions in our area? The Finest have pulled three abductions in two battles, The Singlets and Sham Slammers have each captured enemies at various times, and an unlucky ganger was captured and executed by Spyre hunters.

ESCHER TO SELL LIFE STORY!

Pegety 'Piggy' Caroline of the Ladies of the Night has signed a lucrative deal with Squander & Nadgers publishers for the story of her abductions by the Sham Slammers, and Heinrich's Finest. Ms. Piggy, who holds a dome record for being captured twice within a month will reveal her inner most thoughts and feelings, as well as tips on how to keep your make-up fresh in hand cuffs.

SPYRERS GET SINGLETS ALL BLOODY

In news just in, the unfortunate Singlets were allegedly ambushed by what seems to be the same Spyrer hgunting team that has plagued our fair dome in past months. As the Orlocks returned to their settlement after Ecstatic Hour at the Pit Bar and Grill, several of their number were cut down by deadly-accurate las- and web-fire. Reports indicate the Singlets' heavy noticed something amiss, as he was perched on a chem-tank when the ambush was launched, but he only managed to fire off one volley of bolts before being chopped down by an unusually stealthy Jakara.

The remainder of the Orlocks took cover in a ruined factory, but couldn't take out the merciless heavy-mangling Spyrer. The only thing that seemed to faze her was a bolt to the chest, but unfortunately for the Singlets it wasn't enough to put her down! Teaming up with another hunter, the two sword-wielding maniacs slashed their way through ganger after ganger until the Orlocks fled.

Rumor has it that Scared Larry, the Singlets' swordsman extraordinaire, didn't survive the encounter. Although he managed to hold off one of the up-hive killers in hand-to-hand combat for a while, he eventually went down and started his new career as a Spyrer trophy. Can nobody stop these marauding monsters?